Kylo Ren Gets His Period
by spacecadet777
Summary: AU where the force bond takes Kylo and Rey to a whole new level. One Shot. Inspired by period humor videos and memes. Disney's and Lucasfilm's toybox, I'm just borrowing a kewpie doll to play with…. Also Inspired by the Youtube Video If Boys Got Their Period by Superwoman. This is funny, check it out.


AU where the force bond takes Kylo and Rey to a whole new level. One Shot. Inspired by period humor videos and memes. Disney's and Lucasfilm's toybox, I'm just borrowing a kewpie doll to play with…. Also Inspired by the Youtube Video If Boys Got Their Period by Superwoman. This is funny, check it out.

There really isn't much that would drop Kylo Ren to the floor. If a blaster bolt from a bowcaster on the side couldn't do it, then it is pretty much safe to say that Kylo is a strong individual. But since Starkiller, certain things that one could call weaknesses have started happening.

Our story starts from about two months from Starkiller. Ren has been healed for the most part of his injuries. His scars were fading to a memory, and his shoulder was just beginning to resemble the strength that he was used to. He had also had begun feeling almost right again. He was beginning to feel like he could and would take out both the Scavenger and his old master in one fell swoop. But things started to happen that even he couldn't understand.

One of these things happened just after he got out of the fresher one morning. He was looking in the mirror to start to shave the mustache that he had an off again on-again relationship with (off today) when he noticed it. A small pimple. Relatively insignificant really. When he was about to pop the offending zit, which he knew better than to do, but hey, he's a guy. The pain from that little mark was exquisite. Rather than worry about that, he thought maybe since it's close to the mustache anyway, he could just cut it out. Wrong. It only looked more inflamed. He since abandoned the pimple. Two days passed and the zit was more tolerable. But why did it show up in the first place? And why did it bring a friend that was right by his left eyebrow? Strange. Even stranger is the fact that he decided to add a facial scrub to his daily routine. There was a benefit to that though, as the facial scrub tightened the pores on his face and started to make the scar on the side and across his face less noticeable.

About a week later, he noticed that his appetite was going through changes. Usually Ren doesn't touch soda pop. "'It's too sweet for me," he would say as the others would grab a pop while he usually grabs a water or coffee on the rare occasions that he would sit with anyone else in the breakroom during morning or afternoon break at work. But on this day not only did he grab a can of the Fizzy cola, he drank the whole thing. In the allotted time for a break. That caused Mitaka and Phasma (who had become sweethearts in the time after Starkiller) to look at one another with raised eyebrows. Phasma had noticed that in some ways his attitude had gotten either a little better or a little worse. Some days he was a little whinier that others. Could he be premenstrual? She wondered to herself (and kept it to herself) She took it upon herself to keep track of the weird behaviors that Snoke's apprentice were starting to show.

The next sign was innocuous also. She noticed that he was eating saltier foods than he usually does. Not that she paid close attention to what he ate anyway, He noticed at lunch one afternoon he had eaten an entire bag (think the size between a snack size bag and a full-size bag) of chips. And his caffeine consumption was abnormal for him. If I didn't know better, she thought, I'd say he was about to get his period, she thought as she decided to indulge in a bag of chips herself. But Phasma, being a woman, knew better than to eat the entire bag in one sitting. Nacho chips with Bantha and cheese sauce? That's something odd. That same day, he noticed that his chest hurt. Not with the heartburn one would expect with nachos, but his pectoral muscles were hurting. One of the fellow knights of Ren slapped him across the chest as men do to show their bravado, and he actually flinched. Kylo Ren never flinched. Ever. The one female knight of Ren noticed this as well. But knowing what hell she could catch for bringing it up, she kept it to herself.

Kylo Ren almost never got emotional about anything, since according to Snoke emotions (especially anything that brought one to tears) were a sign of weakness. But the very next day, he was watching a holovid news broadcast when a commercial brought him to tears. The news broadcast had gone to a commercial break and a promotion for a new show about new kitten or puppy parents and their litter s came on. He took one look at the cute cuddly little puppy on the screen and just lost it. The fluffy brown puppy made him just flat out bawl. He cried for twenty minutes. Even when the news broadcast came back on and there were news reports of violence and destruction. It didn't help matters much when an animal welfare shelter commercial came on during the last few minutes of the broadcast and then a pet food commercial came on after that. He just kept on about the puppy. And to this day he couldn't fathom why.

The next morning was relatively uneventful until about ten am. The trio of Phasma, Hux and Ren were headed to the lounge for the first break of their shift when Kylo dropped to the floor in unbelievable pain.

Hux, of course being the man he was wasn't having the Master of the Knights of Ren on his floor. Phasma was more sympathetic. As soon as Ren had turned on his back, she had him field diagnosed and sent him back to his quarters to take ibuprofen and lay with a heating pad or hot water bottle on his stomach.

A couple of hours later Phasma had paid Ren a visit.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Like I'm going to die." Kylo had said.

"When was the last time this had happened?" Phasma wanted to prove her theory.

"Actually. this happened four weeks ago today," Kylo had said sitting up. He immediately regretted doing that and lain back down on his couch in front of his holoviewer. He had decided to watch the prequels of Celestial Battles.

"I see." Phasma said. "Same symptoms?" She asked

"Not as severe, but yes." Kylo said. He didn't notice a pattern. But Phasma did.

"Kylo Ren, there are some things that certain people can explain better than others. My suggestion to you is that you call your mother and speak to her about this."

"Why in the hell would I want to call my mother and tell her what's going on?" He wasn't happy at this and the tone of his voice was showing it.

"Kylo, you said that you were force bound to someone. True?" She asked.

"Yes," he had only told her of this bond. Snoke didn't even know of this at this point. And the longer the Supreme Leader didn't know about that the better.

"You said that your bond was with that scavenger girl, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, If I know anything about women, and since I happen to be one, I do, I would say that you just got your period. And if I am correct, she did too. Just this morning."

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" Ren shouted at her. Just then a wave of dizziness overcame him and forced his head back to his pillow. He could feel the heat of his face flushing in embarrassment. There was no way that he could be mirroring the symptoms. He was Male!

"You are force bound to a girl, then it's likely that you have gotten your period. That's why I suggest that you speak to your Mother on this."

"But there's no blood. Aren't women supposed to bleed during this time?" Ren asked.

"You are a guy, I'm not going to look down there to see if there's a horror movie in your boxers. I don't think guys do, but I don't have the parts you do. This is why you need to call your mother. Or go see her. Or both."

Aw hell, Kylo thought. He knew that Phasma was right. There was nothing he could do about it right now, he searched in the Force for his mother's signature and found that she was asleep. It would have to wait for her to wake up in the morning where she was.

Fate had smiled upon him, though, for he was able to communicate with Rey through the bond. Of course, Rey didn't want anything to do with him right now, but at this point anything was better than nothing.

 _Rey_ , Kylo called to her through the Force.

 _Ugh, what in the kriffing hell do you want Ren_? Rey answered.

 _I need to ask you a personal question_.

 _Out with it, murderer_. Rey said

 _This is going to be a strange question. I need to know something that has been happening to me. Did you just get your period?_

 _What kind of a question is that? I don't think you need to know whether I got my monthly! For someone who murdered his father in cold blood! Get out!_ She was pissed that she would even think that he could even ask such a question.

She was just about to close her end of the bond when she he heard him say _Rey, Please. I must know. Some strange shit has been happening and I think it's related to this._

 _Yes, Kylo Ren. I did just start my monthly. This morning. It was painful. It still is. I am lying in bed, since I am having the WORST cramps I have ever had. If I even move my arms I bleed harder than I ever have in my life._

 _Damn._ Ren sympathized. _Then that's what is happening to me. I think I started too. Have you taken any ibuprofen for it?_

The sound of Rey's laughter will ever forever be the most beautiful sound that Kylo Ren has ever heard. Most of the time. However, this time, it wasn't. Rey was laughing so hard she started crying over on her end of the galaxy, and she wasn't going to let Ren get away with this.

 _YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KRIFFING KIDDING ME! I AM GOING TO TELL YOUR MOTHER!_ She singsonged back to him. She couldn't believe this. This was just nuts. _Are you KRIFFING SERIOUS? YOU GOT YOUR PERIOD?!_

Ren was blushing furiously even though he was alone. _So, what the hell do I do?_

 _For goodness sakes, put a tampon in!_ She giggled after that.

 _I don't have the parts for that!_

 _I know!_ She was giggling _. Call your mother!_

 _Besides, what the heck is a tampon?!_

 _UGH!_ Rey responded. She knew she blew through everything below the waist and to the mattress. She also knew cleaning up the mess would be totally worth it.

Ren made the decision that day to go see his mother.

Leia Organa Solo didn't expect to see Kylo Ren sitting in front of her desk the morning that he went to see her. She saw him in the office window and knew exactly who it was when she came in the door. But instead of instantly running over to him to hug the stuffing out of him, she made him wait. She put her bag and jacket away and summoned C3P0.

"General, may I be of assistance. Oh, my!" Threepio said as he turned slightly when he saw Kylo Ren in the chair. Ren rolled his eyes behind the mask

"Threepio, first would you please get Mr. Ren and myself a cup of caf? Just the coffee. I've got the good stuff stashed away here. And then there's something else I need to talk to you about."

"Yes, General. Should I let security know that Kylo Ren is in your office?" He asked.

"No. As a matter of fact, the only four people that can come through that door besides you are Luke, Rey, Poe, and Finn. Absolutely no one else. Admiral Satura can take care of matters until what I've got to do is done. Do you understand."

"Yes, Princess, err, General." He left to go get the caf. As he left she was muttering to herself that she should just let him call her princess. He left to get the caf. Leia then crossed her office and got something out of her bottom file cabinet drawer. Kylo could see that it was a lightsaber. She then grabbed her desk chair and wheeled it around her desk so that she was facing him. She sat down and placed the saber on her lap and she held it on her lap. She tapped the lightsaber on her lap.

"Don't get any ideas, pretty boy, I do know how to use this. And I will if I need to". The look on her face said she meant business.

"How in the hell did you get in here anyway?" She asked. Then she noticed the open window. "Oh," She said as she crossed the office to close the window and locked it.

"How the hell did you get on the base? Mind trick a guard?" Ren nodded.

"And how did you get past the hangar?" Leia asked.

"The guards are very open to taking a nap at 3 in the morning," Ren said through his mask.

Just then Threepio brought the coffee. "Thank you Threepio." Leia said. " I will take it from here."

"Do you want the good stuff, or do you drink it black?" His mother asked. She had gotten out the creamer from a small refrigerator by her desk and some sweetener and had started to doctor up her caf. Ren took the creamer when she was done with it and put a measured amount of it in his cup. His Mother handed him a spoon to stir with.

"Now, I know you can't drink caf through that mask. So, take it off." She said.

"I think I will leave it on." He said. Leia could tell the little smirk that he had on his face behind the mask.

"I know you did not come all the way here to watch me come into work when you could have easily commed me an hour and a half ago. I was home an hour and a half ago."

This statement made the second time in a week when a woman proved herself right. He didn't call. He could have but that would have made himself appear weak (at least in his eyes anyway).

"You are going to take that mask off, or, I am going to take it off for you." Leia said standing up.

"I am pretty sure you don't know how." Ren said, rather smugly.

She tilted her head to the right. Then to the left. "Oh, I'm pretty sure I can figure it out." She said. "Come here and I will show you."

He sat there for a second and then he reached up and unlatched his mask. He took it off and for the first time in a long time, Leia got a good look at her son. He put the mask on the chair next to the one he was sitting on.

"Much better. Now I can see what Rey did to you. Does it hurt?" Leia looked concerned.

"No. It doesn't." there was a pain behind the eyes that Ren hoped she didn't see. She sat back down and sighed.

"Well, you've come all this way, what's on your mind?" She asked as she drank some of her caf.

"General Solo," Leia's eyebrows shot up at the use of her married name, but he never got to finish the initial thought, Poe, Finn, and Rey came bursting through the office door blasters drawn and lightsaber at the ready

"We heard Threepio said that Kylo Ren was here, thought you needed help." Poe said. He was looking at Ren like he wanted to kill him. Finn too. Leia walked up the trio. She had her lightsaber in her hand.

"Thanks, but I got this handled. He's not leaving this office without me and I can handle myself. Even at his worst, he is really no match for me". Leia turned back around and began to sit back down.

"Do you need us to stay?" Finn asked.

"No. I got this. Leia said. I'll see you two later this afternoon." Poe and Finn left her office but Rey stayed behind.

"Should I stay, Leia?" Rey asked. She knew why Kylo was there.

"I don't think that you need to," Leia said.

Alright, Rey said. She was just about to walk out the open door when Kylo said " _Wait!"_ In the Bond.

She looked at Ren. "You want me to stay?"

"Yes, please?" He asked.

"You're asking me? You really must be desperate." Rey said back to him. She went to the filing cabinet and got out a blanket that was in the bottom drawer placed it on the couch next to Leia's desk. The blanket was a dark color and Rey was afraid she would blow through her clothing. She sat down.

"Now that we are all here, what's got you wound so tight that your about to snap? I can feel the tension in the two of you."

The two younger people in the room looked away from one another when she said that. They both started to blush.

"General Organa, I am having a problem that I was told that you are the only person that can help me solve." Kylo started. Still trying to sound tough.

"And that is?"

"Do I have to say it out loud?" He said.

"I think you should. Otherwise how am I supposed to know how to help you?"

Just then Rey's comm dinged. She answered the text that came across her screen and resumed her looking directly at Kylo Ren.

"I don't know if you are aware of this or not, but a Force Bond has formed between me and the scavenger."

She said. "I have a name, you know."

He ignored that and went on "I have been experiencing strange phenomenon as a result of this bond and I need to know what to do."

"Such as?" Leia asked.

"I have begun to have strange symptoms. I have begun to consume a lot more caffeine than I have ever done, I am also experiencing strange emotions. A colleague of mine had said that they are similar to a woman's menstrual cycle and since I am bound to her I need to know what do I do to stop this from happening."

Leia nodded. "I see." She said. "Breakouts?" "Like one big bad one next to your eyebrow?" She asked.

Kylo hadn't mentioned that, but she knew. "Yes," he confirmed.

"And emotional stress? The mere mention of puppies or kittens makes you cry?" Leia wondered.

"How did you know?" He asked. He didn't mention to either of the ladies present this fact.

"I'm your mother. Remember that. Well," she began and looked at Rey who was looking at Ren," it does appear that you have had your menarche."

"What the hell is that?!"

"Your first period." Leia looked at her son. She knew that this was the strangest thing she has ever gone through as a mom, but, she's his mom and she will see him through this.

"How do I stop this from happening?"

"Other than breaking the force Bond?" Leia asked.

"Yes."

"I suppose that there's many options, but considering two extreme ones, "

"The first one is that Rey gets a hysterectomy. But considering that she is a healthy 20-year-old young woman, that is not an option. If she gets a hysterectomy, it would throw her into menopause, but she would also become infertile. She would no longer be able to have children. The second extreme is a continuous state of pregnancy." She looked at the two and said," now you two would make wonderful parents and give me beautiful grandchildren, but I am not ready to be a grandma yet and I'm pretty sure that Rey isn't ready to be a mom."

"I think that the only thing you can do, Kylo Ren, is deal with it. Because if you break that bond, doesn't that mean one or both of you must die?"

Ren looked at his hands that were holding his caf. He nodded.

"I don't know what to do then."

Leia said, "you needn't worry for too long. Rey has an implant in her arm that is supposed to be a contra-ceptive. The implant will regulate her periods so that they will be more predictable and you both need to learn to communicate in the bond to know who is going through what. If you don't then you both will be miserable."

"But what do I do about the feeling of bleeding?" Ren asked.

"Well. I've never had to deal with this situation. Rey probably suggested to try to put a tampon in?"

Rey started giggling when in fact she did say that. Leia looked at her reproachfully. "Rey. He doesn't have the parts that we do. But there is something he can do to simulate the feeling of the parts we do."

Kylo knew what she was talking about. And he crossed his legs. He wasn't going to do that. Not even to help alleviate the strange sensation.

Rey's comm had been dinging for the past fifteen minutes. I was Luke reminding her that they need to do some training and get ready to return to Ach-To. The comm was really beginning to get under Leia's skin and she decided to do something about it.

"If you two will excuse me, I have someone's butt to kick. And fortunately, it's not you, she said looking at her son. I will be right back." She then took her cup of caf and left the room.

Rey didn't meet his gaze. She studied the picture of the mountains of Alderaan that was on the wall. Some senator had given that to Leia a long time ago, and she always had it in her office. They both fixed their gaze on that painting. Ren then shifted his gaze to the back of his mother's computer monitor on her desk.

"I wonder if my mom has a lookbook page," Kylo mused in the bond.

"No. she doesn't. But she does have a birdhouse account." Rey answered back.

"Do you think she would follow me if I asked her?" Ren asked. He didn't sound like evil incarnate at that point. He sounded like an insecure child.

"All you can do is ask. All she can do is say no."

"My mother told me that the mountains were the most spectacular place in the galaxy. She said that there were some lakes that you could see the bottom of she swam in them in the summer, and that when they froze she skated on them every winter when she was a kid. She said that the castle that she lived in was in those mountains."

Leia came back into the office and got the creamer back out for another cup of caf. She fixed her coffee, offered the others to make a cup for them, and sat back down when they declined. Ren's cup had gone cold by the time she had gotten back, but it didn't deter him from drinking it.

"Rey, you are supposed to meet with Luke as soon as you are done here. Apparently, you were supposed to do some meditating that you forgot to do this morning. I told him that there's an issue and I need to speak with her about something that happened at Starkiller base that only she knew about, so that is going to buy us some time. "

"To deal with the sensation of bleeding, I suggest that you wear a pad. It doesn't have to be a thick one, and you don't have to change it as often. But I would suggest that your change it every 4 to 6 standard hours. They have all kinds of different styles, lengths and thicknesses. I would suggest communicating with Rey for what brand you might prefer. If I am thinking what I think I am thinking you may need to use the same brand as she does for the next few times. While you get used to the sensation. Other than that, I don't need to have the talk about being careful not to get pregnant, so, I think my work here is done. Unless, you need me to explain that." Leia looked at her son expectantly.

The thought of that made his stomach turn. "No, Mom. I don't think we need to worry about that." But the blush that had started to radiate from his cheeks told her a different story. Coincidentally, Rey had the same blush pattern emerge.

"You are both adults. You can do what your please. But remember, no grandkids yet. I'm not ready for them. And I am pretty sure that you both aren't either."

Leia stood up and put the lightsaber back in the drawer from which she drew it from earlier. She knew she wouldn't need it, but the show of force was enough to quell any argument that would have started and kept the conversation on topic.

"I will need to walk you off the base, Ben. I'll bet that people are going to wonder just how in the hell you got here, and if they see me with you, then people will back off you."

Kylo stood up and so did Rey. They all left the office and true to Leia's word, once everyone saw that the General was with Kylo Ren, they backed off. But Leia knew that tongues were going to be wagging.

They were walking back to the place where Kylo landed his shuttle in silence. He wasn't far from the base and the walk was pleasant.

"You know you can come home," Leia said.

"I know," Ren had said. "But I don't want to". In his heart of hearts, he did. He wanted to just throw it all away and be with Rey. "Things would be complicated." He said. There's too much to work through.

"Don't give me any shit about how the Supreme Leader is wise and knows what's best for you. He doesn't know shit. I've got a loving gesture that I'm going to give him the very second I see him. And it starts with this finger." She said, pointing to her middle finger on her right hand. "And then something along the lines of either a force choke, or a throw. I haven't decided on that yet. But I'm not going out without a fight. And you may even see me fight fire with fire. You just watch. "Leia said. Although all of them wouldn't admit it, Ren could have sworn that he saw tendrils of the dark side swirl around his mother. At that point, right then and there, he decided that his mother is not someone he would want to tangle with. For a brief instant, her darkness was stronger than his. For a brief moment Kylo Ren was afraid of Leia Organa Solo. And perhaps rightly so.

"You're an adult. I can't force you. But I can tell you that it's good to see you right now. I just wish there was more of these." Leia said.

The hug that Leia received surprised even her. She didn't expect to be wrapped up in the hug so consumingly. Ben is a big person, but when he embraced his mother, he seemed to swallow her up. And for Ben the hug was surprising as well. He felt healing in that hug, and quite actually did not want to let her go. A lot of things that weren't said verbally were said in that hug. She kissed him and said I love you without words. His reply was the classic I know. Which Rey had learned was the way that the Solo men said I love you too. She then took her leave of the both of them, claiming the need to make sure the base doesn't cave in upon itself and walked back towards the base.

Rey and Ben were standing near the boarding ramp of his shuttle and neither of them could really look the other in the eye. They both kind of shuffled their feet the way that crushes do when they don't know just what to say to one another.

"So, you're going back to the island?" Ben asked.

"Yeah. In a couple of days. We have some other places that we should go to first."

"I kind of like talking to you without lightsabers," Ben had said.

Rey said. "Yeah. Me too".

"Hey, let me give you my comm number." Ben asked.

Rey said," I forgot my comm on the base,"

"Then I will tell you the number"

"That's okay. We can talk in the Bond." Ben then grabbed Rey and gave her a hug. It felt good. Like they were supposed to be together. Rey drew back and took a step back.

"I've got to go," Rey said, looking back at the path back to the base.

"I do to." Ben walked up the ramp to the shuttle. "Bye," he called.

"Bye," Rey said in the bond. She turned and walked back to the base as Ben took the shuttle and lifted off. She turned and looked at the sky as he left and watched until he disappeared.

Epilogue…Ben learned that he can't be evil when wearing a pink pad. He and Rey's cycles finally synced and they are now complaining about cramps together. Until the next episode.


End file.
